...they are not invited to the wedding.
I feel like I have the "kids" conversation with about 50% of the couples we work with and I share my words of wisdom about the topic of inviting children to wedding festivities quite often.
Let me preface by clarifying that I *personally* love including children in weddings. I have 3 kids myself aged 14 months to 14 years, and invited children and babies of friends and family to my own wedding. This post however, is not going to be in support of inviting, allowing and celebrating with the little ones, it is to point out the reasons why:
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT INCLUDE KIDS AT YOUR WEDDING AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!
Yes, even your siblings' kids.
The bottom line is that this is your day and a celebration of your marriage. Quite often, we parents put our blind devotion and inherent need to stick up for our kids ahead of our logical side, and get insulted if our kids are excluded. The best way to diffuse this situation is to calmly explain your reasons for hosting an "adults only" affair. Perhaps you have chosen a venue that is not child friendly, and you are planning to create your dream of a calm, peaceful and sophisticated wedding which does not cater to the needs of children. Maybe you have spent months creating a swanky and luxe cocktail party taking great care in choosing the best wines and spirits. Doesn't logically seem like a place for the kiddies, right?
My suggestion if you encounter flack from the family such as: "Well, if the kids aren't invited, we won't be coming!"- is to make an honest and CALM plea for understanding of your wedding wishes coupled with an explanation of why you have chosen to make your guest age limitation. Do not get defensive, but stick to your guns.
"Well, we can't/won't travel without the kids"
Consider the option of hiring babysitters to look after the little ones, but realize that many parents are not comfortable leaving their children in the care of sitters that they are not familiar with, especially in an unusual setting. Another option is to suggest that parents bring along their own sitter or an "in-law" and if budget allows, offer to pay for their accommodations. Make every attempt to remain positive and civil if you indeed come up against family pressure or the guilt trip to change your plans. Most often, parents are desperately in need of a fun day/night out without their kids and really appreciate the opportunity to socialize and celebrate with the grown-ups!
Whether your plans are kid-friendly or adults-only or someplace in between, keeping your plans clear and honest with your family and friends will make the conversation easier and hopefully less stressful.
No comments:
Post a Comment